The Reality of Life

Today my mother's doctor called and told her she had cancer in her lymph nodes. The Reality of what life really means in settling slowly into my brain......After my mom told me, i goggled "Lymph Nodes and Breast Cancer"......
I remember when Doctor Schrader came into the hospital lobby to tell us my mother was out of surgery. Everything went well, and i have removed all the cancer. So your mother should leave the hospital cancer free, but there still is a 15% chance that cancer could be in the lymph nodes. 15% mmmm, well what happen to my moms 15%. That is how i feel, like she did not even have the 15% coming to her. So surgery # 2 will take place next Wednesday.
The hope now is to pray that no more lymph nodes have cancer, and maybe things will be good. It is funny, well not really. telling people mostly family and friends, that your mom did great, she is up and around and the Dr got all the cancer out, and then somewhere in there you slip that 15% in really quickly so no body hears. Then 2 days later your trying to explain, that the 15% did not really matter.
I'm feeling down in the dumps..... When i left my mothers house Friday night i cried, i cried cause i had felt that things would be ok, the worst was over.. :"surgery". But now there is uncertainty... I mean i know my mother will be ok..... But.......... There is always that BUT....
But what about the lymph nodes
But what about the cancer spreading
But what about the cervical cancer she got 2 years back
But what about Chemo
But what about Radiation
But what about surgery #2
But what about her getting sick
But what about her losing of hair
But what about remission, will it happen for her
And the list goes on and on and on.....
So many question, and it seems like so little time.....
I'm sitting and talking to 2 friends tonight, and about every crazy cancer story i have heard in the last 5 days. Women need to do 1, 2, or both things go to the OBGYN every year, get on the table, put your legs in the stirrups, and let the fucking doctor tell you that everything is ok, and do monthly breast exams. and/or get a fucking mammogram... It is that simple... Do it for your self first and then for your husband your children your family your friends who love you. AND FOR ALL THE WOMEN OUT THERE WHO DO NOT DO IT FOR THEMSELVES...........
The End

The Days After.......

Well it is Wednesday.... 2 days after my mom's breast cancer surgery. Monday was a very exhausting day, and long. We got up at 7am and we did not get home that night until 9pm. My mother did a great job considering we was at the hospital all day long with nothing to eat or drink. That would make anyone nervous. The 2 surgeries before my moms ran into trouble, and it did not help that they let my mom know that. But surgery went well, and the Dr was great. She told us she got all the cancer, and my mom would be leaving Enole Cancer free.. But we still need to wait until all test come back to confirm what the Dr told us. Now we are just waiting again. But hopes are high, and we will leave the rest in Gods hands. We have had so many prayer and family thinking of us it has been wonderful.
My father has been a great help to my mom and has said he would help her in any way. Him, my aunt Lydia, and my cousin's daughter Trin joined us at the hospital. It was a great feeling to have them there for emotional support. Our family loves my mother alot. And i have had great support from all our wonderful friends old and new. My phone has been ringing off the hook, with my mothers friends calling. They have heard via Face book about my mother and are wondering why she has not told them. My only answer i could give was that she is scared and doe snot want to worry anyone. But like my mother wonderful doctor has told her. Be Proud and tell people who ask how her summer was, That i had breast cancer surgery and spent my summer recovering from breast cancer and doing radiation. and that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer. we are lucky that she is here to share her story with others. That story is... She is 51, she gets her mammogram every year, and this year they found the cancer. many women her age are scared to know, and i feel my mom should educate women young and old and tell them.



Yesterday Christopher crawled in bed with my mother to take a nap. I know my mom is going to kick my butt when she sees this picture.. Oh well i have been i way worse trouble that this....

Grandma Peggy's House

Me and Christopher got to my mothers on Saturday afternoon (July 25th 2009) and got settled in. Christopher was having a hard time, I'm thinking he thought mommy was dropping him off and leaving. I guess it seems i do that a lot when i come home. Poor lil man. I kept telling him that we were staying all week and mommy was not leaving. It took him several hours before he felt he was safe enough to wonder off further than 2 feet. But he soon was enjoying himself like usual. My mom turned the water on and let him run through it and it was hot enough for him to enjoy. Trying to get a couple of hours of fun in before i start taking care of everyone. I told my mom i don't know what will be hard Christopher and Jaime, or her and Christopher.. She laughed and told me I'm sure it is harder to care for Jaime and the baby.. LOL But i will be here to do what ever it takes. Sunday has been a long, hot, semi relaxing day. My father and Leon came by for a BBQ. Me and my father went shopping at Safeway, so that we would have everything we needed for my mother for the week. I was able to get my dads cell phone working, and even talked him into getting some ring tones. It does not take much talking into when it comes to my dad. Missing Jaime a lot, I'm sure he is in heaven right now. Sleeping in and playing Xbox 24/7, when he is not at work. He said the house is so quiet without our little peanut there. :( Well Monday will come soon enough and we will have a long day ahead of us. here a couple pics to remember settling in before moms surgery day.

DAY OUT WITH THOMAS!!!!!!

Thomas the Train

On July 25th Christopher, Mommy, Grandma and Grandpa Ramirez went to A day out with Thomas the Train in Felton, Ca. Christopher had a wonderful time. His favorite part was riding the train through the tall Redwoods. His least favorite part was leaving and seeing Sir Topham Hat. LOL We let Christoper control the day. He had a hard time waiting his turn for the bounce house. Not sure what 2 year old has the concepts down for 4 minutes. He had his grandparents wrapped around his little finger in the gift shop. When he did not want to put things down, grandpa told him he would buy them. What a lucky little guy. Looking forward for next years event when he is older and wants more things.

Counting Down The Days.....

And the Count Down for me begins...... Me and Chris are leaving on Friday to meet Jaime parents in Monterey. I want to take Chris to the beach to relax in the sun. Last time he was at the beach he was little, but he sure did love the water hitting him. I hope he even likes it better this time. On Saturday we are going to A Day Out with Thomas the Train in Felton. I know he will love seeing Thomas the Train in person, and getting to take a ride with him. More to come on both these trips.
After that we are heading North to Corning, to help out my mommy. She will under go a lumpectomy on Monday the 27th. Hope all goes well. Anyone reading this say some prayers for my mom, and keep us in your thoughts. It will be a long week, but I'm glad i live back in Cali now so i can be close to my mother. Hopefully during this trip i will get to see some old friends of mine.
Besides that Christopher is doing awesome. Things are looking up for this bright little boy....

• He is starting to potty train.. :) after spending the week at grandma, me and daddy gave up all hope. and the next day put him back in diapers. But he did not want back in diapers and started going to the bathroom on his own. the last 2 days he did not have any accidents, and then bam today he had 2. oh well. we are on the right track.
• In June Chris started counting, and saying his colors. and now he is doing both pretty good.
• His speech is getting alot better. Though he will still need speech therapy I'm sure. His teacher comes for her summer visit on Thursday. Me and Jaime are looking forward to all her feed back on his progress since she has last seen him in June. :)

More to come on all our life events in the next couple of weeks. And i will keep everyone updated on my mom....

On our actual anniversary, which was the morning after our grueling hike. Jaime and I headed to San Francisco with some good friends of ours. Eric, Aly, and Angela. Eric had a suite at the Marriott downtown and we all had pre purchased tickets to the SF Giants game. We had a wonderful day filled with much needed shenanigans and laughs. But in the end it was all good. No need to rehash the drunken times at the game or the waiter chasing out down the street from Pete's. Should i mention how many times we called the front desk, or the no tipping the valet guys when we left. We had a great time, and the next evening had a awesome BBQ out at AB's and some of the guys from Eastman came out to chill. Thanks everyone for making our 9year anniversary one to remember. PS If it was not for Big D we would have been bored out of our minds, and none of the fun shenanigans would have happened. Love you All

9 years and counting

On July 8th Jaime and I celebrated 9years of marriage and 15years as best friends. Christopher spent the week with Grandma and Grandpa Ramirez in Corning. Jaime was able to get an extra day off during the week so we could go do a couple more things. Me and Jaime both have enjoyed hiking since we were in college, and we have found little time to do longer hikes since Christopher was born. Though the small hike are enjoyed just as much. Hopefully one day Christopher will appreciate all the wonderful outdoor activities that California has to offer. And if he is not in California i hope he finds new ones. Jaime and i fell in love with Yosemite the first time we visited back March. and when we returned with Jaime parent, they bought us a hiking book with short hikes around Yosemite. Our dear friend Jer was trying to get a group of us to hike Half Dome together. Old HS and College friends. But it never happened. So me and Jaime set out to hike half dome on our own, during the week of our anniversary. I know both our parents were a little nervous, considering that they were 2 death in about 3 weeks of one another. But Jaime and I were both determined to hike and finish Half Dome in one day. We left the house here in Madera at about 345am. Between the starbucks stop and a small fire burning through HWY 41, we got out of our Car at 630am in little Curry Campground. I was very overwhelmed the first 2 hours. Nothing but a straight up hill battle, of granite stairs. But seeing the waterfalls made it all worth the trek up out of Nevada Falls. Flat trail in the valley was a blessing since my legs were burning from all the uphill. But when we finally reach the base of Half Dome, i was shocked. As i climbed rock after rock to reach over the summit and reach the destinations of the cables, i was in awe. Only 400 more feet. The cables i must say were easier than i was picturing, it was that last 45min climb over the summit that killed me. But after reaching the top, i was happy to see the whole valley, and be a part of what most will never see. Me and Jaime enjoyed the time we spent gazing for miles. When we headed back down the cables i never thought that the trip home would be tougher than the trip up. I will have to say that my lower body was aching all the way to the car. But it was nice to reach the water and soak my feet, and then finally at 8hrs and 45mins and 18.5miles later, we reached our car. Here are a handful of pictures to mark our journey to and from

4th of July..........

HAPPY 4th OF JULY

The 4th was OK this year. Though the fire works were not that good, and we did not buy any. Christopher enjoyed seeing the ones that others were shooting off, and we seen must of the ones that they shot off at the Madera Speed way. My parents came down for long weekend visit. and it was great to see them both. I was thankful to have my mom here and to get to spend time with her. Glad she is feeling great. Christopher was happy to see them too. and on Sunday he left to spend the week with Grandma and Grandpa Ramirez.....